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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Hands
Number
Grandchildren
Two
Move
Phone
Kids
Numbers
Humorous
Might
Hand
Phones
Hard
Since
Obviously
Made
Fact
Seven
Something
Moving
Havens
Facts
Haven
Telephones

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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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