Quote

Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Things
Nice
Humorous
Think
Funny
Straight
Thinking
Family
Later
Like
Wells
Sex
Without
Authority
Well
Fans
Important
Courses
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More quotes by George Burns

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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
George Burns
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
George Burns
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
George Burns
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
George Burns
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
George Burns
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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
George Burns
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
George Burns
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
George Burns
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It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
George Burns
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
George Burns
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
George Burns
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns