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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Way
Name
Time
Middle
Names
Funny
Mother
Naming
Another
Humorous
Kids
None
Around
Lucky

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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
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Life's but a day at most.
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
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