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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Time
Middle
Names
Funny
Mother
Naming
Another
Humorous
Kids
None
Around
Lucky
Way
Name

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Life's but a day at most.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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As long as you're working, you stay young.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
George Burns