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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
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Humorous
Kids
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Time
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More quotes by George Burns

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When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
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When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
George Burns