Quote

When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Time
Blame
Wasn
Blamed
Somebody
Belonged
Looking
Agent
Working
Humour
Funny
Directly
Didn
Agents
Would
Spent

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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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Life's but a day at most.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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