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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Looks
Feel
Feels
Something
Lied
Make
Tell
Never
Else
Love
Better
Look

More quotes by George Burns

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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
George Burns
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George Burns
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
George Burns
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
George Burns
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
George Burns
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
George Burns
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
George Burns
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
George Burns
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
George Burns
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When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
George Burns
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
George Burns