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I get a standing ovation just standing

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Ovation
Standing
Inspiration

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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
George Burns
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
George Burns
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
George Burns