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I get a standing ovation just standing

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Ovation
Standing
Inspiration

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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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Life's but a day at most.
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As long as you're working, you stay young.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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