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I get a standing ovation just standing

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Ovation
Standing
Inspiration

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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
George Burns
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns