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I get a standing ovation just standing

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Ovation
Standing
Inspiration

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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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Life's but a day at most.
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
George Burns
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When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
George Burns
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She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
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There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
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It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George Burns