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I get a standing ovation just standing

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Standing
Inspiration
Ovation

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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
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As long as you're working, you stay young.
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Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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