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How can I die? I'm booked.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Aging
Humor
Dies
Age
Funny
Booked

More quotes by George Burns

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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
George Burns
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
George Burns
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
George Burns
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
George Burns
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
George Burns
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
George Burns
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George Burns
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At my age flowers scare me.
George Burns
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I get a standing ovation just standing
George Burns
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
George Burns
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
George Burns
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns