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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Issue
Issues
Swimsuit
Sports
Swimsuits
Age
Illustrated
Read
Resent
Funny
Articles
Fewer
Humorous
More quotes by George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
George Burns
It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
George Burns
Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
George Burns
When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
George Burns
None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
George Burns
Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
George Burns
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
George Burns
There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
George Burns
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
George Burns
I get a standing ovation just standing
George Burns
When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
George Burns
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
George Burns
