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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Resent
Read
Articles
Funny
Fewer
Humorous
Issue
Issues
Swimsuit
Sports
Swimsuits
Illustrated
Age
More quotes by George Burns
When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
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As long as you're working, you stay young.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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