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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Humorous
Issue
Issues
Swimsuit
Sports
Swimsuits
Age
Illustrated
Read
Resent
Funny
Articles
Fewer
More quotes by George Burns
When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
George Burns
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
George Burns
Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George Burns
If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
George Burns
She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
George Burns
Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
George Burns
A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
George Burns
It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
At my age flowers scare me.
George Burns
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
George Burns
None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
George Burns
When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
George Burns
