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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Issue
Issues
Swimsuit
Sports
Swimsuits
Age
Illustrated
Read
Resent
Funny
Articles
Fewer
Humorous
More quotes by George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
George Burns
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
George Burns
I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
George Burns
In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
George Burns
I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
George Burns
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
George Burns
Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
George Burns
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
George Burns
