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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Issues
Swimsuit
Sports
Swimsuits
Age
Illustrated
Read
Resent
Funny
Articles
Fewer
Humorous
Issue
More quotes by George Burns
Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
George Burns
Life's but a day at most.
George Burns
I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
George Burns
Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
George Burns
Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
George Burns
It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
George Burns
If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
George Burns
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
George Burns
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
George Burns
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
George Burns
Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
George Burns
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
George Burns
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
