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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Place
Vaudeville
Stink
Collapse
Talent
Evil

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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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