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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Vaudeville
Stink
Collapse
Talent
Evil
Place

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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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