Quote

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Sure
Idea
Deodorant
Strong
Lotion
Ideas
Cologne
Might
Wear
Good
Advice
Clothes
Nice

More quotes by George Burns

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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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