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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Aging
Stay
Show
Business
Left
Retire
Shows
Retired
Going
Retiring
Retirement

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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
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