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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Lawyers
Satan
Lawyer
Blame
Everything
People

More quotes by George Burns

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How can I die? I'm booked.
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When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
George Burns
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When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
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There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
George Burns
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
George Burns