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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
People
Lawyers
Satan
Lawyer
Blame
Everything

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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
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There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
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