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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Sick
Already
Funny
Ever
Everything
More quotes by George Burns
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
George Burns
When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
George Burns
As long as you're working, you stay young.
George Burns
Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
George Burns
She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
George Burns
Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George Burns
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
George Burns
In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
George Burns
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
George Burns
I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
George Burns
Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
George Burns
Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
