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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Sick
Already
Funny
Ever
Everything
More quotes by George Burns
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
George Burns
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
George Burns
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
George Burns
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
George Burns
I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
George Burns
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
I get a standing ovation just standing
George Burns
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
