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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Shows
Love
Like
Backache
Rays
Laughing
Relationship
Show
Doesn
More quotes by George Burns
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
George Burns
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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Life's but a day at most.
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
George Burns
