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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Shows
Love
Like
Backache
Rays
Laughing
Relationship
Show
Doesn
More quotes by George Burns
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
George Burns
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George Burns
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
At my age flowers scare me.
George Burns
Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
George Burns
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
George Burns
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
George Burns
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
George Burns
Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns
Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
George Burns
Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George Burns
None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
George Burns