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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Elders
Brought
Anybody
Respect

More quotes by George Burns

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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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At my age flowers scare me.
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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
George Burns
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When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
George Burns
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I get a standing ovation just standing
George Burns
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
George Burns
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
George Burns
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns