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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Anybody
Respect
Elders
Brought

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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
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