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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
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History
Flunked
Kids
Humorous
Littles
Humor
Little
Age
American
Funny
More quotes by George Burns
I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
George Burns
Say Goodnight Gracie.
George Burns
If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
George Burns
In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
George Burns
Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George Burns
I get a standing ovation just standing
George Burns
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
George Burns
When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
George Burns
There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
George Burns
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
George Burns
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
George Burns
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
George Burns
Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
George Burns
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
