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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Flunked
Kids
Littles
Humorous
Little
Humor
Age
American
Funny
Understand
History

More quotes by George Burns

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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
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As long as you're working, you stay young.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
George Burns
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns