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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
American
Funny
Understand
History
Kids
Flunked
Littles
Humorous
Little
Humor
Age
More quotes by George Burns
Say Goodnight Gracie.
George Burns
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
George Burns
Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
George Burns
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
George Burns
None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
George Burns
When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns
Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
George Burns
