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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
History
Kids
Flunked
Littles
Humorous
Little
Humor
Age
American
Funny
Understand

More quotes by George Burns

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I get a standing ovation just standing
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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Life's but a day at most.
George Burns