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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Littles
Humorous
Little
Humor
Age
American
Funny
Understand
History
Kids
Flunked
More quotes by George Burns
When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
George Burns
I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
George Burns
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George Burns
Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
George Burns
In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
Say Goodnight Gracie.
George Burns
I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
George Burns
It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
George Burns
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
George Burns
When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
George Burns
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
George Burns
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
George Burns
At my age flowers scare me.
George Burns
Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
George Burns
