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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Kids
Flunked
Littles
Humorous
Little
Humor
Age
American
Funny
Understand
History
More quotes by George Burns
Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George Burns
I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns
I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
George Burns
I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
George Burns
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
George Burns
How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
George Burns
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
George Burns
It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
George Burns
Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
George Burns
