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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
American
Funny
Understand
History
Kids
Flunked
Littles
Humorous
Little
Humor
Age
More quotes by George Burns
I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
George Burns
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
George Burns
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
George Burns
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
George Burns
None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
George Burns
When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns
In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
George Burns
A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
George Burns
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
George Burns
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
George Burns
