Quote

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

George Burns

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Kids
Flunked
Littles
Humorous
Little
Humor
Age
American
Funny
Understand
History

More quotes by George Burns

Image
Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
Image
Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
George Burns
Image
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
George Burns
Image
I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
Image
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
George Burns
Image
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
Image
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
Image
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
Image
There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
George Burns
Image
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
George Burns
Image
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
Image
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
Image
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
Image
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns
Image
I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
Image
Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
Image
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
George Burns
Image
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
Image
When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
George Burns
Image
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
George Burns