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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Littles
Humorous
Little
Humor
Age
American
Funny
Understand
History
Kids
Flunked

More quotes by George Burns

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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns