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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Sixth
Comedy
Written
Guy
Read
Two
Book
More quotes by George Burns
It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns
My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
George Burns
Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
George Burns
I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
George Burns
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
George Burns
If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
George Burns
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns
Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
George Burns
Life's but a day at most.
George Burns
Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
George Burns
If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
George Burns
At my age flowers scare me.
George Burns
