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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Guy
Read
Two
Book
Sixth
Comedy
Written

More quotes by George Burns

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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
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When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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Life's but a day at most.
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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