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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Book
Sixth
Comedy
Written
Guy
Read
Two

More quotes by George Burns

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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Life's but a day at most.
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
George Burns