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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Funny
Fifteen
Something
Smoking
Smoke
Ten
Humor
Hold
Comedy
Cigars
Age
Cigar

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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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