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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Much
Afford
Humor
Lose
Loses
Dies
Funny
Money

More quotes by George Burns

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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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