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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Much
Afford
Humor
Lose
Loses
Dies
Funny
Money

More quotes by George Burns

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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
George Burns
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
George Burns
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I get a standing ovation just standing
George Burns
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
George Burns
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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
George Burns
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
George Burns
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
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There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
George Burns
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
George Burns