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At my age flowers scare me.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Funny
Springtime
Scare
Birthday
Aging
Flowers
Flower
Humor
Age
More quotes by George Burns
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
George Burns
I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
George Burns
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
George Burns
My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
George Burns
I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
George Burns
Life's but a day at most.
George Burns
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
George Burns
Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George Burns
Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
