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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Humorous
Anywhere
Nice
Age
Funny
Cute
Birthday
Aging
More quotes by George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
As long as you're working, you stay young.
George Burns
When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
George Burns
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George Burns
At my age flowers scare me.
George Burns
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
George Burns
Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
George Burns
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
George Burns
Life's but a day at most.
George Burns
I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
George Burns
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
George Burns
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
George Burns
