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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Aging
Shoelaces
Humor
Stoop
Wonder
Stoops
Getting
Hilarious
Funny
Retired
Else
Retiring
Retirement
Ties

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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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Life's but a day at most.
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
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It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
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When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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