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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Aging
Shoelaces
Humor
Stoop
Wonder
Stoops
Getting
Hilarious
Funny
Retired
Else
Retiring
Retirement
Ties
More quotes by George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
George Burns
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
George Burns
It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns
In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
George Burns
When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
George Burns
None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
George Burns
I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
George Burns
I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns
Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
George Burns
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
George Burns
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
