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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Wonder
Stoops
Getting
Hilarious
Funny
Retired
Else
Retiring
Retirement
Ties
Aging
Shoelaces
Humor
Stoop
More quotes by George Burns
I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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As long as you're working, you stay young.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
George Burns
