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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Funny
Retired
Else
Retiring
Retirement
Ties
Aging
Shoelaces
Humor
Stoop
Wonder
Stoops
Getting
Hilarious
More quotes by George Burns
She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
George Burns
I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
George Burns
In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
George Burns
I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
George Burns
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
George Burns
Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
George Burns
Life's but a day at most.
George Burns
Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George Burns
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
George Burns
I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns
