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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Else
Retiring
Retirement
Ties
Aging
Shoelaces
Humor
Stoop
Wonder
Stoops
Getting
Hilarious
Funny
Retired
More quotes by George Burns
I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
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She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
George Burns
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
George Burns
Say Goodnight Gracie.
George Burns
None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
George Burns
I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
I get a standing ovation just standing
George Burns
Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
George Burns
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
George Burns
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
