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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Firsts
Finally
First
Humor
Comedy
Names
Forget
Zipper
Faces
Zippers
Funny
Birthday
Next
Pull

More quotes by George Burns

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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
George Burns
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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
George Burns
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I get a standing ovation just standing
George Burns
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
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When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns