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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Alcohol
Fourteenth
Drunk
Thirteenth
Clever
Drunkards
Drinking
Cocktails
Drink
Drunkenness
Trouble
Alcoholism
Takes
Liquor
Remember
Drank
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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Life's but a day at most.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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