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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Takes
Liquor
Remember
Drank
Alcohol
Fourteenth
Drunk
Thirteenth
Clever
Drunkards
Drinking
Cocktails
Drink
Drunkenness
Trouble
Alcoholism
More quotes by George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
I get a standing ovation just standing
George Burns
I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
George Burns
