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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Takes
Liquor
Remember
Drank
Alcohol
Fourteenth
Drunk
Thirteenth
Clever
Drunkards
Drinking
Cocktails
Drink
Drunkenness
Trouble
Alcoholism
More quotes by George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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As long as you're working, you stay young.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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Life's but a day at most.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns
