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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Alcohol
Fourteenth
Drunk
Thirteenth
Clever
Drunkards
Drinking
Cocktails
Drink
Drunkenness
Trouble
Alcoholism
Takes
Liquor
Remember
Drank
More quotes by George Burns
Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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