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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Drinking
Cocktails
Drink
Drunkenness
Trouble
Alcoholism
Takes
Liquor
Remember
Drank
Alcohol
Fourteenth
Drunk
Thirteenth
Clever
Drunkards
More quotes by George Burns
Say Goodnight Gracie.
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
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