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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Inspirational
Money
Inaction
Work
Humorous
Make
Bed
Life
Unless
Stay
Funny
Business
More quotes by George Burns
I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
George Burns
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
Life's but a day at most.
George Burns
I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
George Burns
Say Goodnight Gracie.
George Burns
At my age flowers scare me.
George Burns
When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns
Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
George Burns
Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
George Burns
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
George Burns
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
George Burns
In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George Burns
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
