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I never saw a purple cow I never hope to see one But I can tell you, anyhow, I'd rather see than be one.

Gelett Burgess

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Gelett Burgess
Age: 85 †
Born: 1866
Born: January 30
Died: 1951
Died: September 18
Novelist
Poet
Boston
Massachusetts
Frank Gelett Burgess
Alan Braghampton
Fun
Rather
Hope
Tell
Never
Anyhow
Purple
Cows
Saws

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It was Matisse who took the first step into the undiscovered land of the ugly.
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Most women have all other women as adversaries most men have all other men as their allies.
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Many a maid have I won by a quarrel, when flattery was in no wise helpful but take heed that thou art in the wrong, so that thou mayest acknowledge thine error.
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Some women are to be captured by storm and some taken by siege yet if there be not a traitor in her heart that shall deliver up the garrison, thou shalt not prevail over her.
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Propose not to a woman when she hath gotten a new frock, nor when she is puffed up with victories when she reigneth and rejoiceth in her hour of triumph, come not nigh unto her but when she be ill or weary, when she is cast down in spirit and needeth a comforter, then be thou ready, and make thy suit.
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A woman and a mouse, they carry a tale wherever they go.
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Son, heed my instruction, and apply thyself to know women let thine eyes observe her when she is with another, for what she doeth with him, she will do with thee, also.
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A maiden's first kiss cometh hard, yea, it is as the first olive out of a bottle, requiring much skill but the rest are easy.
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No man knoweth how another man maketh his love, for women tell not.
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There is indeed no such thing in life as absolute darkness one's eyes revolt and hasten to fill the vacuum by floating in sparks, dream patterns, figures whimsical and figures grotesque, shifting and clad in complementary colors, to appease the indignant cups and rods of the retina.
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As the dog becomes thoroughbred in the laws of clan and caste obedient, fraternal and loyal so is the man who accepts the gentleman's code.
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Woo her not till thou hast seen her mother, for a score of years worketh wonders.
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Love endeth like the chianti flask, its drops are bitter.
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Style is doing things not in any way but in the best way.
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Without bigots, eccentrics, cranks and heretics the world would not progress.
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If in the last few years you have not discarded a major opinion or acquired a new one, check your pulse. You may be dead.
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In the mind of a woman, to give birth to a child is the short cut to omniscience.
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As the cat lapses into savagery by night, and barbarously explores the dark, so primal and titanic is a woman with the love madness.
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When the waitress puts the dinner on the table, the old men look at the dinner. The young men look at the waitress.
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The fear of women is the beginning of knowledge.
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