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I'm so tired of missing things I don't have.

Gayle Forman

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Gayle Forman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 5
Writer
LA
California
Tired
Missing
Things

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The little things that happen. Sometimes they're insignificant other times, they change everything.
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About being grateful for what you have instead of yearning for what you think you want.
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He can't possibly live up to the person you've built him to be
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If I stay. If I live. It’s up to me. All this business about medically induced comas is just doctor talk. It’s not up to the doctors. It’s not up to the absentee angels. It’s not even up to God who, if He exists, is nowhere around right now. It’s up to me.
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In the middle of L.A.'s sunny non-winter, I need to sit in a dark closet to feel right.
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Anything can happen in one day.
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I want to undo this. To make it right. But I have no idea how. I don't seem to know how to open up to people without getting the door slammed in my face. So I do nothing.
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Suddenly, it's all too much. Bryn and the bump watch. Vanessa with my high school yearbook. The idea that nothing's sacred. Everything's fodder. That my life belongs to anyone but me.
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One day she told me that they'd decided that my gender was divvied into two neat piles-Men and Guys. Basically, all the saints of the world: Men. The jerks, the players, the wet T-shirt contest aficionados? They were Guys.
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There were signs. Probably more of them than I ever caught, even after the fact. But I missed them all. Maybe because I wasn’t looking for them. I was too busy checking over my shoulder at the fire I’d just come through to pay much attention to the thousand-foot cliff looming in front of me.
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If I stay. If I live. It's up to me.
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But I'd do it again. I know that now. I'd make that promise a thousand times over and lose her a thousand times over to have heard her play last night or to see her in the morning sunlight. Or even without that. Just to know that she's somewhere out there. Alive.
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And something tells me if it matters, maybe it shouldn't be easy.
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Sometimes the wind blows you places you weren't expecting: sometimes it blows you away from those places, too.
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Traveling is not something you are good at. It is something you do. Like breathing.
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