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Can you move on from something when you're not sure what it is you're moving on from?

Gayle Forman

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Gayle Forman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 5
Writer
LA
California
Sure
Moving
Something
Move

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She's still beautiful. Not in an obvious Vanessa LeGrande or Byrn Shraeder kind of way. In a quiet way that's always been devastating to me.
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If I stay. If I live. It’s up to me. All this business about medically induced comas is just doctor talk. It’s not up to the doctors. It’s not up to the absentee angels. It’s not even up to God who, if He exists, is nowhere around right now. It’s up to me.
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This is myself, baby. All of my selves. I own each and every one of them. I know who I'm pretending to be and who I am. The look he gives me is withering. Do you?
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He can't possibly live up to the person you've built him to be
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Whoever said that the past isn't dead had it backward. It's the future that's already dead, already played out.
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So are you moving on now? Is that what brought you to the grand metropolis of Valladolid?” “No. The wind just blew me here.” “What? Like a plastic bag?” “I prefer to think of myself as a ship. Like a sailboat.
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Willem tsk-tsks. You Americans are so violent. I'm Dutch. The worst I will do is run her over with a bicycle.
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Anything can happen in one day.
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So, this is how it's become? This is how I've become? A walking contradiction? I'm surrounded by people and feel alone. I claim to crave a bit of normalcy but now that I have some, it's like I don't know what to do with it, I don't know how to be a normal person anymore.
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A day might just be twenty-four hours but sometimes getting through one seems as impossible as scaling Everest.
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But then Mason touches my neck, to the spot on it where the cut from that night has since healed, and I pull away. He was right, after all it didn't leave a scar, though part of me wishes it had. At least I'd have some evidence, some justification of this permanence. Stains are even worse when you're the only one who can see them.
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I like French fries, I say. I like French fries? I sound like a slow child in a made-for-TV movie.
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Sleep would be so welcome. A warm blanket of black to erase everything else. Sleep without dreams. I've heard people talk about the sleep of the dead. Is that what death would feel like? The nicest, warmest, heaviest never-ending nap? If that's what it's like, I wouldn't mind. If that's what dying is like, I wouldn't mind that at all.
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Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.
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Traveling is not something you are good at. It is something you do. Like breathing.
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Life might take you down different roads. But each of you gets to decide which one to take.
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No one is who they pretend to be
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Someone wake me when it's over When the evening silence softens golden Just lay me on bed of dover Oh, I need help with this burden Hush
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