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I am adrenaline slammed into inertia: a fast car stuck in traffic.

Gayle Forman

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Gayle Forman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 5
Writer
LA
California
Adrenaline
Traffic
Stuck
Fast
Car
Slammed
Inertia

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The politeness was painful. I wanted to push through it, to return to the glow of the night of the concert, but I was unsure of how to get back there.
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Something special is ending, and you're sad, but you can't be that said because, hey, it was good while it lasted, and there'll be other vacations, other good times.
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It's okay if you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. But that's what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It's okay if you have to leave us. It's okay if you want to stop fighting.
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If I stay. If I live. It’s up to me. All this business about medically induced comas is just doctor talk. It’s not up to the doctors. It’s not up to the absentee angels. It’s not even up to God who, if He exists, is nowhere around right now. It’s up to me.
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Because for that day, I really did become Lulu. Maybe not from the film or the real Louise Brooks, but my own idea of what Lulu represented. Freedom. Daring. Adventure. Saying yes.
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And that's when I understand that I have been stained. Whether I'm still in love with him, whether he was ever in love with me, and no matter who he's in love with now, Willem changed my life. He showed me how to get lost, and then I showed myself how to get found.
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I realize it’s not just Willem I’m looking for it’s Lulu too.
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Girlfriend is such a stupid word. I couldn't stand calling her that. So, we had to get married, so I could call her 'wife.
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Willem tsk-tsks. You Americans are so violent. I'm Dutch. The worst I will do is run her over with a bicycle.
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Then I smell the sweat on him, a clean musky scent that I'd bottle and wear as perfume if I could.
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I want to make her cry and then lick up the tears.
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But what if Shakespeare― and Hamlet― were asking the wrong question? What if the real question is not whether to be, but how to be?
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The line between true self and feigned self is blurred on all sides. Which I think is a rather handy metaphor for falling in love.
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