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I am adrenaline slammed into inertia: a fast car stuck in traffic.

Gayle Forman

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Gayle Forman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 5
Writer
LA
California
Inertia
Adrenaline
Traffic
Stuck
Fast
Car
Slammed

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I'm also starting to wonder something else. If maybe the point of this crazy quest I'm on wasn't to help me find Willem. Maybe it was to help me find someone else entirely.
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I think everything is happening all the time, but if you don't put yourself in the path of it, you miss it. When you travel, you put yourself out there. It's not always great. Sometimes it's terrible. But other times ... [...] It's not so bad.
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And something tells me if it matters, maybe it shouldn't be easy.
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But seventeen is an inconvenient time to fall in love.
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She left for Juilliard the day after Labor Day. I drove her to the airport. She kissed me good-bye. She told me that she loved me more than life itself. Then she stepped through security. She never came back.
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It's just accidental, just temporary. Until the next accident sends me somewhere new. That's how life works.
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Because for that day, I really did become Lulu. Maybe not from the film or the real Louise Brooks, but my own idea of what Lulu represented. Freedom. Daring. Adventure. Saying yes.
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It was selfish what I asked her to do, even if it wound up being the most unselfish thing I've ever done.
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You stood over me and you made a promise to me, as sacred as any vow. And I can understand why you're angry, but you can't blame me. You can't hate me for taking your word.
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You forget, time doesn't exist anymore. You gave it to me.
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Sacrifice, that's what we do for the people we love.
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She's still beautiful. Not in an obvious Vanessa LeGrande or Byrn Shraeder kind of way. In a quiet way that's always been devastating to me.
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If these walls could talk, I wonder what secrets they'd tell.
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Then I smell the sweat on him, a clean musky scent that I'd bottle and wear as perfume if I could.
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How can it be so unclear to her when it's like the fingers on my hand to me?
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Pictures can be pretty deceptive.
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You just work through it. You just hang in there.
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But I'd do it again. I know that now. I'd make that promise a thousand times over and lose her a thousand times over to have heard her play last night or to see her in the morning sunlight. Or even without that. Just to know that she's somewhere out there. Alive.
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Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.
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Forward momentum. That's my new motto. No regrets. And no going back.
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